I won't be able to attend Sunshine's wedding.

And I've been trying to eat my sadness away. Surprise, surprise it's not working!

Cat presented me with a temporary relief yesterday: True Blood.

The show everyone's been telling me to watch but I can't because I don't have HBO.

She had the first season and we watched like 4 epis yesterday. LOVE IT!

One of my favorite characters......

I haven't watched the epi with this scene yet, thank you Youtube!

I've binged for two days straight.

I can already feel the headache and tummyache that I'm going to wake up to.

Tomorrow I'm off so it will be nothing but water (LOTS!), yogurt, fruits, and veggies. Nothing heavy. And walking.

Wednesday and Thursday are apartment hunting days. Wish me luck!

What a circus MJ's funeral seemed to be. I say seemed to be because I didn't watch it. Most people had no choice but to watch it since most channels fucking preemptied all their shows for it. But that's what DVDs are for.  The media is having a field day and it's disgusting.

Unless I call you a skinny bitch or something, don't refer to me as 'reverse thinspo'. I will cut you.

There was something else I wanted to write but I forgot what it was. I need to go to bed.  

I had a perfectly good blog typed out in my head and now I forgot it. >.<

I decided to change my WI days to Sunday. Today's wi: 268.2

Ugh.

I did very good today. 1067 cal intake. A little low for me but at least I didn't binge.

Yesterday I walked around the mall and didn't shot myself! YAY! My second time in that mall since I moved to Texas, almost two years. I hate the mall.

But I love sweet potatoes!

I finally got the dress for Sunshine's wedding. It's actually kinda cute, the picture on the website didn't do it justice. Buuuttt....it's too tight around my boobs. And can anyone say back fat? Damn.

At least I have a progress item now.

I also found this shirt Mama brought for me a while back. Very cute but too small. Another progress tool.

P.S. I know my tummy is sticking out. I did it on purpose to show myself just how small the shirt is on me right now.

I didn't binge at work. In fact, I ate nothing until I got home.

And I went to bed at 2 am and got up at 9! An accomplishment since I've been passing out around 7am for the past two weeks.

I've watched Sleepy Hollow seven times in the last three days. I just love Johnny Depp.

My monthly weekend off this week!

Favorite part: 'No you must believe me. It was a horseman, a dead one.......headless!'

Real blog tomorrow, I promise!

Age: 22
Height: 5' 5"
Weight: 266.2

Size: ????
Jean Size: 22
Highest Weight: right fuckin now 
Lowest Weight: 241
Goal Weight: 150

Favorite Diet Food: 
sweet potatoes 

Favorite Binge Food: 
anything

Favorite Exercise:
dance/water aerobics 

Favorite Healthspo?
real girl and before/after

Where Do You Slip Up? 
home alone and with friends 

When Did It Start Dieting? 
healthy? since march 2005 

Does Anyone Know?
some of my friends and family

Do You Want Help?
only to get me off my ass

How Many Calories Do You Consume A Day? 
ideally the max would be 1600  

What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror? 
disgusting fat  

Are You In A Relationship?
*snorts* me? yeah right

Are You The Fat Or Thin One Out Of Your Friends? 
the fat one 

Are You Depressed? 
currently, no  

Ever Tried To Commit Suicide? 
yep

Ever Been To A Psychologist? 
yeah

I AM -
[ ] anorexic
[ ] ednos
[ ] bulimic
[ ] living off diet pills
[ ] hungry
[x] thirsty
[x] drinking something
[ ] Under 100lbs
[ ] starving yourself
[ ] participating in a fast


PEOPLE -
[ ] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[x] call me fat
[ ] say I’m skinny
[x] say I’m ugly
[x] say I’m pretty
[ ] spread rumors about me
[ ] force me to eat
[ ] say I eat too much
[ ] wish I’d eat more
[ ] don't know I'm anorexic/bulimic


I WISH -
[ ] I was THIN
[x] I had a better body
[ ] I didn't have to eat
[x] I could control myself
[ ] I was under 110lbs
[ ] I could avoid food
[ ] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was pretty
[ ] I could stop being ana/mia

I LOVE -
[ ] feeling hungry
[ ] seeing a difference when fasting
[ ] shaking
[ ] being weak
[x] losing weight
[ ] being anorexic/bulimic
[x] green tea
[ ] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[x] feeling good about myself

APPEARANCE
[ ] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[ ] I have many scars.
[ ] I tan easily.
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I have/had braces.
[x] I wear glasses.
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[ ] I have freckles.

FAMILY
[x] I've sworn at my parents.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[ ] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.

EMBARRASSMENT
[ ] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[x] Disney movies still make me cry.
[x] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[ ] I've glued my hand to something
[ ] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[ ] I've had my trousers rip in public.

RELATIONSHIPS
[x] I'm single
[ ] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[ ] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've cheated in a relationship.
[ ] I've gotten divorced
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[ ] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[ ] I've kept something from a past relationship.

SEXUALITY
[x] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.

HONESTY
[ ] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[ ] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[ ] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[x] I've been suspended from school.

BAD TIMES
[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I regularly drink.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[x] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[x] I shut others out when I'm upset.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[ ] I'm addicted to self harm.
[x] I've woken up crying

[x] I've lost weight
[x] I've gained weight
[x] My weight holds me back
[ ] Weight consumes me.


[ ] I'm at my thinnest
[x] I'm at my biggest
[ ] I've lost weight and kept it off
[x] I've lost weight but gained it back
[x] My weight affects my mood
[ ] I weigh myself daily

[ ] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me
[ ] I thrive on compliments
[x] I feel bigger than people who are my size
[ ] I feel happy when I'm hungry
[ ] I get depressed after I eat
[x] I've skipped a meal
[x] I've thrown food away
[ ] I've spit food out
[ ] I've fasted
[ ] I've taken diet pills
[ ] I've used laxatives
[ ] I've purged 
  
[x] I exercise
[ ] I exercise so I can eat
[ ] I work out secretly
[ ] I work out daily
[ ] I exercise to counteract eating
[ ] I've fainted from exhaustion

I've done:
[x] Weed
[x] Cigarettes
[x] Alcohol
[ ] Diet pills
[x] Pain killers
[x] Anti-depressants
[ ] Ecstasy
[ ] LSD
[ ] Mushrooms
[ ] Speed
[ ] Cocaine
[ ] Other

[ ] I keep my eating habits a secret
[ ] I have a ED blog
[x] I look at healthspo
[x] I collect healthspo
[ ] I condone pro-ana/mia sites

[x] I count calories
[ ] I've had negative intake days
[ ] I avoid food
[ ] I hate food
[x] I love food

[ ] I want to be this way
[x] I don't want to be like this
[x] I wish I could have more control
[ ] Being thin is my top priority
[ ] I don't want to get better
[ ] I am in treatment

[x] I'm doing this for me
[ ] I'm doing this for someone
[x] I'm doing this to prove myself